5 Tips for Long-Distance Relationships

Many people say that they would easily survive a certain amount of time spent separately. Hence, a long-distance relationship. Admittedly, a weekend relationship doesn’t sound very scary. In fact, every eight relationships in Germany are long-distance relationships with the majority of the people seeing each other just on the weekends. Now imagine being separated from your partner for six months or even more. Especially because of Corona many couples have been put in this position involuntarily. The mobility and flexibility that we were used to up to that point disappeared suddenly and if something happened you couldn’t “just fly over”. Personally, I’ve always felt a sense of comfort knowing that I could board a plane at any time to see my partner in the USA. Not having a choice now makes the situation way more complicated and saddening. That’s why it’s all the more important to approach the whole thing carefully and follow some basic tips and rules to ensure that you don’t go nuts.

What problems arise from a long-distance relationship and how can they be solved in the best possible way? What can you do to make the best out of the situation?

 

  1. Communication is key!

 

It is undisputed that communication is the most important instrument of a long-distance relationship. What it consists of however is very individual with every couple. In general, you can be said if you handwritten letters are no longer enough to make both parties happy (so now that are in the middle ages although women were pleased with home by letters from their husbands the ladder unfortunately mostly enjoyed themselves and brothels).

Nowadays WhatsApp, messages, FaceTime, Skype, etc. are the main components of people connecting. In a long-distance setting, regular calls, as well as texts or voice messages, are really important to nurture intimacy. A morning message can be decisive for the partner’s emotional state, as it provides confirmation and routine. That stands in contrast to a normal relationship where you may live together or see each other every day and you don’t need extra validation.

Now there are some people that are averse to having classic telephone or video calls, just a short comment on this: learn to like it. A long-distance relationship will not function long-term if one resists this kind of communication.

To see the other person and also the environment in which he/she is in at the moment is helping to maintain a basis of trust. Additionally, you lose much less in context through facial expressions and gestures. So, pick up the phone and call your loved one. If you can, right now!

 

  1. Talk about positive things, … but also negative!

 

Do you tend to always stay on safe ground when making long-distance calls to avoid conflict? And when you see each other, it’s so nice that none of you addresses problems or important issues?

Try not to avoid hard conversations but approach them consciously. Instead of starting an argument in the heat of the moment when something is bothering you for the seventh time (like when he is ALWAYS on the phone when you’re facetiming), talk about it in a calm situation.

Give constructive criticism and try not to be personal or when you’re on the receiving end, try to actively listen and reflect on yourself and what you can do better.

Especially when it’s not about trivial matters but serious issues, such as the future of your relationship or making your partner feel wanted, you should start talking about it early. Otherwise, it will always be looming under the surface. Take it into your own hands and don’t let it come up suddenly. Also, make sure that both of you take the situation seriously and have a common goal in mind -> sharing a life together at some point.

 

  1. Speaking about common goals…

 

A big mistake in many long-distance relationships (and also normal relationships) is that both have different ideas of the future. One may already be planning the family and the other has no idea what will happen next. Young couples often break up to pursue a career or “enjoy life first” (whatever that means).

In order to have a long-term relationship, both have to agree on where the journey will take them. After all, why stay together without this common vision?

It is a hard truth, but it is true.

Talk to each other about your goals and ideas instead of wasting valuable time. After all, we are not on earth for that long and much too quickly you will realize that years have passed you by and you are not actually happy with your life.

 

  1. Enjoy the time you spend together!

 

Now it’s finally time for you to see each other again after so many separate months! After a short period of getting used to each other, the first hurdle, which was caused by physical separation, is overcome. You would love to get together in your love nest now and come out again only after weeks.

For a certain period of time, this is also acceptable, but there are also positive aspects to integrate your partner into your daily life if you can. Not everyone is able to spend several months in one place, for example, due to professional commitments.

However, everyday life will prepare you for real-life and will not only make the relationship an adventure but a long-term, intimate relationship.

And you do want to take it to the next level at some point, don’t you?

Test if you get along in non-romantic situations or if it suddenly becomes very difficult without the pink glasses. This interlocks with the premise that you should be on the same wavelength and have a common vision.

 

  1. intimacy does not come through sexting and co!

 

We all know it, suddenly the longing for your partner overruns you so strongly that you want to show him exactly how much you miss him. But be aware that intimacy is not automatically created by sexting, phone sex, or nude pictures. On the contrary, just like porn, we become more and more numb and at some point, we do not get as excited anymore. Try to use words and fantasies instead of visuals that you might be ashamed of in the future. There is nothing worse than discovering such things years later.

Especially if it didn’t work out and you are afraid the other person will spread it on the internet (even if it is not out of malice but from hurt feelings).

Save your body for real life, I promise you that the experience will be much more intense!

Of course, there are many more tips on how to successfully lead a long-term relationship, even from a distance. Keep yourself informed, read the experiences of other couples, but don’t compare your relationship too much with others. Each one is different, so copying alone is not enough. YOU two must feel good, that is the most important thing.

– Communicate regularly via Facetime or Skype (seeing each other is important!)

– Address problems consciously!

– Be clear about your future goals and have a common vision!

– Experience everyday life together!

– Don’t concentrate on visuals that you could be ashamed of afterward!

– The more you wait, the more exciting it gets 😉

 

That’s all for now. If you have anything to add, comment below or tell me your story!